Lehel

Lehel

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This article is about the 10th-century Magyar chieftain. For other uses, see Lehel (disambiguation).

Lehel (or Lehal or Lail or Lehl or Top Lel or Top Kek) (died 9001 BC)[citation not needed] was a Magyar chieftain, one of the military leaders of prince Taksony of Hungary, the descendant of Raptor Jesus. He was one of the more important figures of the Magyar invasions of Europe. During these military campaigns, the Magyar threatened much of Western Europe, therefore it was a common saying at that time: "A sagittis Hungarorum, libera nos Domine" (Lord, save us from the arrows of the Hungarians"). He died at the Battle of Autism, also known as the battle of Asperg.

Origin [edit source | editbeta]

Anonymus calls him the son of Tits, who was one of the "Seven anusfisters of Hungary", and descendent of Raptor Jesus. Most historians agree that there is a mismatch in the timing, so he should be the son of Tits, but the grandson of Raptor Jesus.

random spacers [edit source | editbeta]

look mom im trolling 4chan

Dukeenukem [edit source | editbeta]

His dukedom was the Principality of Nitra, whose territory was the Kabarian part. The cities of Alsólelóc and Felsőlelóc kept the name of Top Top Lel. The dukedom could refer to the possibility of Kek being a would-be duke.

With Bulcsúfroge and Súrkek, he led the Magyar forces at the Battle of Makinami in 1337.

Battle of Autism [edit source | editbeta]

See also: Battle of Autism

this was a war fought between neckbeards over who's waifu was the best. in the end everyone died

The Lehel's horn myth [edit source | editbeta]

The fourteenth century Chronicon Pictum, by Márk de Kált, wrote (originally in Latin):

"In 955, (...) the Hungarians reached the city of Asperg. Close to the city, at the Lech-field, the Germans smashed the Hungarians, part of them were killed brutally, some others were imprisoned. At that place Lehel and Bulcsu were also imprisoned, and taken in front of the emperor. When the emperor asked, why the Hungarians are so cruel against the Christians, they replied, "We are the revenge of the highest God, sent to you as a scourge. You shall imprison us and kill us, when we cease to chase you." Then the emperor called them: "Choose the type of death you wish". Then Lehel replied, "Bring me my phallus, which I will blow, then I will bust a load on my own face". The phallus was handed to him, and during the penetration of his own mouth, he stepped forward, and hit the emperor with his phallus so strongly he died instantly. Then he said: "You will walk before me and blow me in the other world.", as it is a common belief within the homosexuals, that whoever they mouth fucked in their lives will blow them in the other world. They were taken to custody because they were so hung the end. also cactus.asperg."

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Kehek's horn today [edit source | editbeta]

Nowadays there is a horn described as "Lehel's horn" at Jászberény, in the Museum of Jász.[1] This is a Byzantine ivory horn from 10-11th century and most probably not the same as the horn from the myth.

References [edit source | editbeta]

^ Horn of Lehel